I look at the last time I updated and realize that it was almost two years ago... and so very much has happened.

I have three children that went into foster care because I didn't turn my estranged husband in immediately when I found out about things he had done and problems he had... because I wanted him to get help. I wanted to keep our family together and managed to lose it all regardless. Those three children will be able to come home as soon as I am working at least twenty hours per week and have all my outstanding bills caught up. They come and stay with me on a regular basis but it just isn't the same.

The apprenticeship went to hell in a handcart and managed to make me lose faith in the world... or at least a small part of it. Not only did I get screwed that way, I got screwed out of fifteen thousand dollars that would go a long way towards those aforementioned bills. I hold out hope that one day said situation can be remedied.

My brother committed suicide a year ago last November and I am still reeling from the loss of him, although due to the benefit of modern pharmaceuticals it no longer debilitates.

Two months ago I had my fourth and final child, deciding that one should take medical precautions to avoid procreating. Years ago the husband got done as I have the mindset that one should always have their pets spayed or neutered... silly me, not aware that our relationship wasn't going to be a forever thing.

Regardless, things have been eventful. Very, very eventful.

I have lost friends, lost my way, gained some of it back but am still working on finding that solid ground that has to exist somewhere. There are people I miss who are gone from this world, and people I miss that are only gone from my part of it and I am not certain which hurts more.

It's all so necessary, but it certainly seems like it would be more pleasant were it not.